Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Dow Soars!

On news that during the first two months of the year Citigroup found two nickels to rub together.

No word on if they also found a nickel to lend to any credit-worthy, job creating business anywhere within the borders of the United States.

Reporters at a press conference asked Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit which taxpayer the two nickels belonged to. He replied*,"these weren't taxpayer nickels. We found them in the couch in the breakroom at a Citi branch in Chevy Chase, Maryland. All of the taxpayer money we have received so far has passed right through our hands and into the accounts of the guys we made all those bets with."

A Citi spokesman later backed away from Mr. Pandit's description of where the tax dollars went by noting that the CEO meant to say, "counterparties to our transactions," rather than, "guys we made bets with."

*I completely made up these quotes. If you couldn't figure that out, please call Tim Geithner, he has some mortgage backed securities he would like to sell you, cheap.

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